Young Love

I've been caring for my elderly father for several years now.  This last year I've noticed a significant decline - not so much physically, but certainly mentally. He's still sweet and caring, but he isn't in the present as often as he used to be.  He asked me the other day how long we've known each other and then five minutes later he introduced me to someone as his daughter (to someone that he's introduced me to numerous times - he forgets).  He also made the comment that he didn't realize I was British.  That seemed to come out of the blue but he's connected it in his mind to a trip we made together 20+ years ago to England.  He gets obsessed with an idea and that's all he can talk about - over and over again; he doesn't remember that's he's already told you, even 3 minutes ago.

Daddy has a girlfriend, Helen.  They are wonderful companions for each other and have been for the last year and a half or so.  But Helen's moving.  I'm not sure how this is going to impact my dad.  He knows she is moving and says, in his flippant/trying to be funny-way that he's unhappy about it, but I don't think it's really sunk in yet that she's not going to be there much longer.  I think he'll primarily be lonely again, like he was after my mother died.  But - I'm not sure. Alzheimer's is not predictable - either in its progression or its minute by minute impact on the behavior of those afflicted with it.  So - we're stepping into another area of uncertainty with my dad.

Before I learned Helen was moving, I had the opportunity to take pictures of them together.  It was at the time for a photography class I was taking.  I didn't end up using the pictures for my class, but I still think I got some good ones.  And they show my dad today - not how he thinks he is, but how he is.

Now you have to understand by dad is a HORRIBLE model - this isn't new. When he poses he is so unnatural and not himself.  So when you point a camera at him he assumes that military mode of stiffness and no expression.  Here's an example of my "posed" dad (with his unkempt hair - he forgets to comb it) and Helen.

I tried and tried to get him to smile, to be natural, to do something to get a glimpse of who I see everyday.  So, I told him not to look at me; look at Helen. Here's what happened.

He saw Helen, returned to the present and remembered he loves her (even though he can't remember her name half the time.  When he searches his brain for her name he calls her "my lo-o-ove" in a long drawn out, Gregorian chant kind of way).  And when you love someone you kiss them.  So he did.  She liked it; he did too.

So my dad continues to live in his world - a world we sometimes share, but more and more these days a world he knows only in his past and in his mind. But occasionally he's here, in the present - and he loves Helen.

Intensity

I came home the other day and found a couple of lizards on my front porch. The lighting was perfect; the set up was amazing.  The questions were - could I get my camera in time and would they still be there when I got back.  Well - I could and they were.  I had my macro lens and was able to get really close.  I was just so glad this little guy didn't decide to jump.  That would have sent me running.

Instead he quietly sat there while I was able to "capture" him.  These two photos are the result.  I'm fond of them both, but particularly like the first one.

I call this one "Intensity."  Doesn't he look intense?  And determined?  And maybe harboring a secret?

This one I call "Who, Me?"  He looks almost startled and interrupted.  Or finally irritated with me.

Lizards - God's creatures.  Tiny, but everywhere - even in high society.  "The lizard you can take in your hands, yet it is in kings' palaces."  (Proverbs 30:28 ESV)

It is so exciting for me when I "capture" something amazing.  Lizards are often so quick - there just isn't time to set up properly.  This lizard honored me by indulging me and my time constraints.  Hopefully my pictures honor him.

To Blog or Not to Blog - Is that Really a Question?

I've often thought I would like to blog but didn't think I had anything to say that anyone would be interested in.  I still don't know if anyone will be interested in what I have to say, but I have to say it.  I've gotten very involved in my photography these days and I love it.  It was because of my increased concentration on and involvement in photography that I decided to start blogging.  It actually started as a result of this picture:

I love this picture and the mood it evokes - quiet, peaceful and strong.  I've been adding scripture to my pictures for a while but got somewhat sidetracked recently, admiring the picture more than the message.  I submitted this picture with the scripture to a photo contest.  Everyday this month I've submitted a photo and each day I've gotten an "Editor's Pick" award - until I posted this picture.  This is the first one I've submitted that included a verse.

Now, I might just be reading more into this than is really there but I think this photo is as good as and even better than some of the others I've submitted.  It appears I'm not going to get an 'Editor's Pick" for this one.  Is it because of the verse?  I don't know.  Does it matter?  No - not in the long run, because all the "Editor's Pick" designation has done is just validate me as a photographer - to myself.

This picture reminds me that if I have a talent for taking pictures, it is because God gave me this talent.  To Him belongs the glory; not me!  When I take a picture I've always felt like I was capturing some aspect of God's beauty and creation.  I had gotten a bit carried away though, thinking that I deserved the credit.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I love that people love my work.  I cherish the compliments.  And I like the validation getting an "Editor's Pick" award gives me.

But the bottom line is that I want to honor the Lord in my photography.  If I get a compliment, an award, a statement of admiration I'll accept it.  But to God goes the glory!  Thank you, Lord.

And - that's why I decided to blog.